London-Based B2B Agency Runs Out of Tea


Velocity, the London-based business-to-business marketing agency, ran out of tea today in an uncharacteristic demand forecasting error.

The agency, which recently acquired a large red teapot to support and enable its growing workforce, is now crippled by a complete lack of the beverage that contributes 50% of staff body mass and 76% of all good ideas.

“We’re…,” said MD Stan Woods, “We’re just…”

The agency very recently purchased a Tetley 160-bag super-pack with 50% extra free, bringing the total to 240 bags.

“I couldn’t believe how fast it went,” said Neil Stoneman, comatose sack of meat, “I went to make tea and boiled the kettle and got the teapot ready and when I took down the super-pack, it was really, like, light and I looked inside and I was like, whoah.”

Gesu Baroova, quivering mass of translucent jelly, concurred, “Pllbllbph… brbrbrbrbr fzzzz,” said Baroova.

“What’s the big deal?” asked Doug Kessler, creative director and conspicuous American. “I mean, jeez, drink coffee.” Unfortunately, Doug said this during an all-agency Work In Progress (WiP) meeting at which he was the only attendee.

The agency has no plans to go and get more tea at this time because the agency has no plans at all. None. In fact, when you actually stop and think about it, this whole B2B marketing thing is feeling completely… futile. What’s the bloody point?

No wait. Lucy just went and got some more. Never mind.


One of the best company news articles I’ve ever read! Really.

Not sure about the photo though. Is the lack of tea why the red teapot is now white and broken?

As a client, I’m so concerned that I’ll offer to buy tea in future in case it runs out again. Can’t have my web communications team going “fzzzz” can I?

Thanks Jason. That’s a shattered teacup, symbolising the anguish of the tea-deprived Anglo-Saxon.

Love this. You guys sound like a breath of fresh (yes it’s possible to hear fresh air). I really must stop spending so much time on your website and get back to my own website.

Thanks Alison!
We’re back in tea now, with a fail-safe back-up system.
The entire agency is united in its commitment to making sure this never happens again.

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