London-Based B2B Agency Runs Out of Tea

Velocity, the London-based business-to-business marketing agency, ran out of tea today in an uncharacteristic demand forecasting error.

The agency, which recently acquired a large red teapot to support and enable its growing workforce, is now crippled by a complete lack of the beverage that contributes 50% of staff body mass and 76% of all good ideas.

“We’re…,” said MD Stan Woods, “We’re just…”

The agency very recently purchased a Tetley 160-bag super-pack with 50% extra free, bringing the total to 240 bags.

“I couldn’t believe how fast it went,” said Neil Stoneman, comatose sack of meat, “I went to make tea and boiled the kettle and got the teapot ready and when I took down the super-pack, it was really, like, light and I looked inside and I was like, whoah.”

Gesu Baroova, quivering mass of translucent jelly, concurred, “Pllbllbph… brbrbrbrbr fzzzz,” said Baroova.

“What’s the big deal?” asked Doug Kessler, creative director and conspicuous American. “I mean, jeez, drink coffee.” Unfortunately, Doug said this during an all-agency Work In Progress (WiP) meeting at which he was the only attendee.

The agency has no plans to go and get more tea at this time because the agency has no plans at all. None. In fact, when you actually stop and think about it, this whole B2B marketing thing is feeling completely… futile. What’s the bloody point?

No wait. Lucy just went and got some more. Never mind.